to touch serenity with a finger wet with tears

to touch serenity with a finger wet with tears

Boris Johnson won't survive this
Natalia Pao 1 Nov 2017   
While the mainstream media hints and sniggers, we publish the list of 40 names in full. Then we ask the necessary question: cui bono?

A list is haunting the upper echelons of the British Conservative party: a "dossier" of 40 MPs named for sexually inappropriate behaviour. It includes six cabinet ministers and a seventh minister who attends cabinet meetings. It also features Boris Johnson and Amber Rudd, who would both have been leading contenders for the Tory leadership had the document not surfaced, and Dominic Raab, tipped by some as a possible longshot.

The "dirty 40" Tory MPs named in the aides' dossier include three (soon to be former) leadership contenders: Boris Johnson, Amber Rudd, and Dominic RaabThe names are as follows:



Boris Johnson - NDA [Non-Disclosure Agreement] between him and Daniele Fleet (Philip Davies's researcher)

Michael Fallon - odd sexual penchants and sexual with fellow MP Mike Freer - a drunk

Damian Green - Ashley Madison - handsy at parties

Amber Rudd - Workplace relationship with Kwasi Kwarteng (PPS to Chancellor)

Alun Cairns - Likes to have intercourse with men who are wearing women's perfume (recently came out)

Liam Fox - Adam Werrity


Liz Truss - Fornicated with male researchers whilst backbench MP + sexual relations with Kwasi Kwarteng


Dan Poulter - Impregnated former researcher and made her have an abortion @ had other female researchers (Gornall)

Andrew Mitchell - Inappropriate with women, including interviews + paid a female to be quiet

Stephen Crabb - Sexual relations with SpAd [Special Adviser] and inappropriate with women

Matt Hancock - Sexual relatikns with member of his private office

Mark Garnier - Inappropriate with women, asked PA to buy sex toys

David Morris - Inappropriate with female and male staff + Alexandra Swann

George Hollingberry - Handsy with women

Nigel Adams - Sexual relations with Robert Hallon's researcher Emily Burdett and others

Conor Burns - Inappropriate with male researchers and Augustine Chipungu

Charlie Elphicke - Inappropriate with female researchers

Nigel Evans - Inappropriate with male researchers - long history

Guy Opperman - Nicknamed Guy "Copperfeel" - handsy with females

Jake Berry - Impregnated Alice Robinson (Boris Johnson's Office Manager)

Justin Tomlinson - Dates his researcher Catherine Bennett

Bob Stewart - Perpetually intoxicated and very inappropriate with women

Chris Heaton-Harris - Inappropriate with female researchers + handsy in taxis

Chris Pincher - Inappropriate with male researchers and heavy drinker + touched Tom Blenkinsop

Michael Fabricant - Inappropriate with male journalist in a taxi

Michael Ellis - Takes his personal trainer to the Cinema and to private rooms at Carlton

Robert Halfon - Inappropriate with female researchers and Alexandra Paterson + [Theodora] Dickinson at EIC [East India Club]

John Whittingdale - Inappropriate with female researchers and uses prostitutes for odd sexual acts

Daniel Kawczynski - Inappropriate with male researchers

John Hayes - Inappropriate with female private office staff

Alan Mak - Inappropriate with female researchers and journalists + asked to take 3 female aides on holiday

Claire Perry - Inappropriate with male MPs after and pre-divorce

Chris Skidmore - Inappropriate with females (/redacted)

Rory Stewart - Asked female researchers to do odd things (Sophie Bolsover)

Steve Double - Affair with female researcher who was married to journalist at his local paper

Will Wragg - Video exists of three males urinating on him

Dom Raab - Injunction for inappropriate behaviour with a woman

Grant Shapps - Affair

Nicholas Soames - Inappropriate with female researchers (historic)

Mark Menzies - Likes to have intercourse with men who are wearing women's perfume (recently came out)


The big question is cui bono. Could it be MI6 scuppering Brexit? Personally I think that's unlikely, but there again Richard "Can't even prevent Russian intelligence from penetrating an intelligence forum in Cambridge" Dearlove may be out on a limb. Could it be the FSB, or "KGB" as the waggish cognoscenti prefer to call it? Could it be the remarkably capable Seamus Milne?

‘‘Under Macmillan it was five High Court judges. Now it's six cabinet ministersOr, my favourite idea at the moment - which arises as soon as the close-reading analyst comes to the choice of the word "fornicated" in the entry for Liz Truss - could it be the traditionalist Roman Catholic choice for the next Tory prime minister, dear old Jacob Rees-Mogg? His dad was editor of the Times and vice-chairman of the BBC, before Jakie went and did the hedge fund thing. I reckon he'd have the means, and there's no doubt he's also got the motivation. So far there have been four frontrunners in the unofficial leadership contest: Johnson, Rudd (soon to be out of it), Davis (not on the list of the Dirty 40, but already named as a sexist bastard), plus Mogg. Let's wait for whether any journalists ask him "Cui bono" in Latin, shall we?